Update 2

The trouble with our marriage isn't TTC related. I wish it was that easy. But I'm not going to go into anymore details. This is going to be a crappy Christmas.

Update

Just wanted to let you all know I'm still here.

This TTC break may be longer than I expected. My husband and I have hit a very rocky patch in our marriage. I won't go into details, but please pray that we can get through this and become a stonger couple.

I will be starting a novena tomorrow to St. Therese

SHORT NOVENA TO SAINT THERESE
THE LITTLE FLOWER

O Little Therese of the Child Jesus,
please pick for me a rose
from the heavenly gardens
and send it to me as a message of love.

O Little Flower of Jesus,
ask God today to grant the favours
I now place with confidence in your hands...

(Mention your intentions here...)

Saint Therese,
help me to always believe as you did,
in God's great love for me,
so that I might imitate your "Little Way" each day.
Amen.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I'm surprisingly upbeat even though several people I know have told me they are pregnant..one wasn't even trying. This break is nice. I definately feel less stressed. I'm not sure when I will start taking my clomid again. I really just wish I could see the RE and actually get some tests done to see what the root cause is. I'm sure it could be any number of things, but I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to enjoy myself. I've recently started up crocheting again. I'm working on a blanket for our living room. That will definately keep my mind off of things.

*Ding, Ding Ding* Round 3

My period decided to start showing yesterday. So it’s on to round 3…maybe. I still have a couple days to decide whether or not I’m going to take the clomid or not. I got really depressed last cycle when the clomid didn’t work. Even though my chart shows I ovulated, I really don’t think I did. Do I take a break now even though I got my pills for next cycle or continue with the next round of clomid and take a break if it doesn’t work? I’m very pessimistic this cycle. 2 failed cycles doesn’t give me much hope. I feel like I can’t talk with my friends on the Babycenter boards since they all have children now..and a year old too.

I’ll have to think long and hard about this.

Vitex and Clomid

I've been trying to do some research on whether I can take Vitex with Clomid. So far I've only seen message board posts stating that it is not recommended to take vitex and clomid. No luck on finding any concrete evidence.

So the search still continues....

I did find this website, which had the following:
"Vitex is not a fast acting herb and may take several months to build up in your system. When using vitex to treat infertility you can take it up to 12 to 18 months - or until pregnancy occurs. Should pregnancy not occur in that time span, seek the advice of a health care professional for the next steps in achieving pregnancy. Another note of caution - you cannot take vitex while taking the fertility drug Clomid - or any drug like Clomid. It seems that vitex and Clomid counter act each other. "

I will still see if I can find a better source of information.

I found more websites that had the exact same paragraph above. So I'm guessing I cannot take Vitex and Clomid together. I suppose it's a good thing I didn't take it today. I did take my 2nd pill to induce my period and I'm not getting any symptoms that it's coming. Well, I will have to keep waiting.

Any time now would be great

Today is CD 36 and after I put in my temperature on my chart it took away my cover line, so it is painfully obvious that I did not ovulate. I took a pregnancy test today as well and it was blaringly negative. I don't have any signs that my period is on its way. I feel fine, albit a little tired since I haven't been sleeping well. I hate waking up around 3am every night.

I started taking my medication I had left over from a few cycles ago to induce my period and I started with the Vitex. So hopefully third times a charm.

I will be sending prayers up for everyone who is dealing with infertility. Let's pray this cycle is the one!

Interesting...

This morning I woke up at my usual time and got ready for work. My stomach felt a bit off, but that's normal for me. I started getting more and more nauseous as it was getting closer for me to have to leave for work. I got in the car and had driven only a few blocks and had the overwhelming urge that I needed to throw up NOW. So I turned the car around and drove back home as fast as I could. I didn't end up throwing up, only dry heaving (which I think can be worse at times). Afterward, I was shaking pretty bad. I ended up calling in sick today. I still feel crappy, but not as bad as this morning. I don't know what to make of that.

I messed around with my chart and put it back on the recommended interpretation setting and it's showing I ovulated and am 14 DPO. Considering my low progesterone last Monday, I'm not sure if I believe it. I think I will refrain from testing until after I'm officially late. I'm confused and really have no idea what to think about everything.

I checked my cellphone about a half hour ago and I had a missed call. Apparently it was one of the nurses from my doctor's office and she wanted me to give her a call back. She didn't say anything else, so I don't know what it is about. I guess I'll be giving her a call back in the morning.

Research

I've been doing some research on the Fertility Friends message boards to see what I can do to up my progesterone. I've seen a lot of mention of Vitex, which I am in the process of researching more.

I found this:
http://www.chinese-herbs.org/vitex/vitex-and-women-infertility.html

Vitex and Women Infertility: The Miracle Herb

Quite few people live their lives just to enjoy living. Many more are sure one of our main tasks here is to produce the new life. Therefore, they all want to have babies, but not all succeed.

In the estimated 50% of cases couples cannot have children because of the female infertility. The most common problems in women, which lead to the impossibility to get pregnant, are Ovulatory disorders. Most often they are caused by hormonal imbalances in women. The Ovulatory Disorders include: - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (a condition, when follicles don’t develop properly and an egg cannot mature. This is caused by the imbalance of luteinizing hormone, leading to the excessive production of estrogen. The disease manifests itself through heavy and/or irregular periods.) - Hyperprolactinemia (the excessive production of prolactin by the pituitary gland, resulting in irregular or no ovulation) - Hypothalamic Amenorrhea (a condition of irregular or no ovulation due to the imbalance of the hypothalamus gland work)

Nature is wise – it has remedies against the majority of human diseases, but we are sometimes not smart enough to notice them and use properly. One of the nature’s creations, which help overcome female infertility, is Vitex.

This plant has the ability to regulate human hormonal levels. The extract from the fruit, containing flavonoids, iridoid glycosides, and terpenoids, affects the activity of the pituitary gland, forcing it to produce more luteinizing hormone, which results in the increased production of progesterone. Larger doses of it are necessary to achieve normal and regular ovulation, which, as a result, helps become pregnant. Irregular ovulatory function can be restored by Vitex, since it can prolong the luteal phases.

Vitex also keeps prolactin levels in check, decreasing them if they are mildly elevated. (Prolactin is necessary for milk production during the breastfeeding, but it inhibits ovulation.)

Vitex can also be helpful after discontinuing the use of birth pills to restore normal ovulation.

The extract of the plant has no immediate effect, but multiple trials show that some women, whose infertility is associated with hormonal imbalances, can get pregnant after 3 months of treatment with Vitex preparations (1.8 ml per day of the fluid extract or 35-40 mg of encapsulated powdered plant.) However, the usual treatment period is from 12 to 18 months.

There also exists information, which suggests that Vitex can work increasing hormonal levels in those women, who lack them, and decreasing them in those, who suffer from their excessive amounts. This makes Vitex a kind of a miracle herb, which knows what is better for a woman’s body and can work like an experienced doctor to make the weaker sex happier.

I think this is definately something to look into and possibly try. I just wonder what the effects of taking it with clomid are. Off to do more research....

And the results are in

I called the doctor's office today to get my blood test results. My progesterone was a whopping .27. So, my clomid will be upped to 150mg. I had them call in my prescription for clomid today so I'll be ready. I will also start the medication I had previously to bring on my period. I really hope this time it works. I'm getting more and more depressed everyday. It seems like everywhere I turn, there's someone who's pregnant or has a newborn. I feel myself getting very jealous. I just have to keep myself occupied and my mind off of the whole trying to conceive thing.

One of my friends from work wants me to work on crocheting them a blanket for their living room. So I'll use that to keep my mind off of things. I have a blanket that I'm working on for my friend who is pregnant, but I don't think I can work on that.

Exspectantes-Thank you for your prayers! I'll be sending some your way.

And there goes round 2 down the tubes

After entering my temperature in my chart this morning, my cross hairs were taken away. What does this mean? It means I have not ovulated yet. It looks like I tried to, but it just didn't go. I got my blood drawn for my CD 21 blood test. I know it'll be low. I don't know if I want to go another cycle. I had a feeling 50 mg wouldn't work this time. I'll see what the nurse says when she calls back with the results tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday.

So, I guess we'll see what the nurse says and where we should go from here.

Still frustrated

Monday I have my CD 21 blood draw...well it's not really CD 21, I'm hoping it'll be 7 DPO. I still haven't gotten my crosshairs on my chart yet. I'm not really sure if I ovulated Monday the 15th or not. I guess we'll see when I get my blood drawn again.

Nothing else is really going on. I'm still feeling down in the dumps and just want to throw in the towel and say forget it. I really don't know how much longer I want to try and/or take medication. I want to take a break, but I don't want to lose valuable time. I'm all confused. I will have to sit down with my husband (when I can find the time since we're both really busy) and talk about it and see how he feels. I'm sure he's feeling frustrated too.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to try to unwind from class tonight.

Infertility in Scripture, part 3

Manoah's wife though barren conceives and bears a son who will deliver Israel from the Philistines

Judges 13: 2 There was a certain man from Zorah, of the clan of the Danites, whose name was Manoah. His wife was barren and had borne no children. 3 An angel of the LORD appeared to the woman and said to her, "Though you are barren and have had no children, yet you will conceive and bear a son. 4 Now, then, be careful to take no wine or strong drink and to eat nothing unclean. 5 As for the son you will conceive and bear, no razor shall touch his head, for this boy is to be consecrated to God from the womb. It is he who will begin the deliverance of Israel from the power of the Philistines."

Ah, the weekend

This was supposed to be a great weekend. I usually have Friday's off and my husband took the day off as well. We also both took Monday off. We were going to spend the entire weekend to ourselves and just have some together time since our anniversary is Monday. It's been well over a month since we've had a weekend free. The ony non-together time as been the football game we went to this morning with my husband's family. I was hoping we'd just go to the game then come home and continue our weekend. But now his family is coming over this evening for "movie time".

I'm also getting depressed that I haven't ovulated yet. I think with the way my temperature was today, I might ovulate today. I will have to take another OPK. I'm getting emotionally tired from the TTC journey. We've sort of been on it for 2 years. I'm getting frustrated at the fact that I may never get pregnant. I really want to just give up and stop TTC after this cycle. But I know I'll regret it if I do.

I think I'm just going to try to "grin and bear" it this evening. I'll make some tea and hopefully have a kitty or 2 cuddle with me. And lots of chocolate!

I suppose....

I suppose I should write an update..it has been awhile.

My first cycle on clomid was a bust. My period started last Saturday (Sept. 29th). I did up my pills and have taken them for "round 2". I feel this is "old hat" now. I'm not as gung-ho this cycle. I had heard so many stories about getting pregnant on the first cycle of clomid. When I talked to the nurse after my progesterone test she said next cycle they would bump it up to 100mg of clomid. I went to pick up my prescription and it was for only 50mg again. I did have a strong ovulation last cycle so we'll see how that goes.

I've been waking up about a half hour to an hour earlier than my normal wake up time of 5:10am. I've now adjusted my wake time and am now getting up at 4:20am. I started with my ovulation predictor kits today...very faint line so ovulation isn't too far off. I hope I have some ovulation pain again this cycle. It was a nice reminder that it wasn't too far off.

Since I'm not pregnant, I'm enjoying a nice cold beer. So *cheers* and here to a new cycle and new hope.

Still Waiting....

I'm 17DPO today. I've been having cramps for the past 5 days and my back has been hurting too. The heating pad has been my very good friend this week. I took several tests and they have all been negative. Today is my official test date, but I don't think I'm going to test. I checked my cervix yesterday and saw a spot of pink. So I'm guessing my period is not too far off.

I was thinking with my progesterone being so low, wouldn't it be beneficial for me to get on some progesterone supplements or cream during the 2 week wait? Well, when my period finally shows up I be calling back in to the doctor to get my 100mg of clomid. I'm sadly starting to lose hope for this cycle. My temperature is still pretty high.

Here's my chart for any of your familiar with charting:

But I guess it isn't over until my period shows...so here goes a test of my patience.

The results are in....

So I got my progesterone test results today. It was only 5.2, but then again the bloodwork was done on 3 DPO and they’re basing it off of it being 7 DPO since the dr assumed I ovulated on CD 14. There's always a chance. My chart is looking nice. I’ve had high temps for the past couple days. I'm hoping and praying for a miracle.

If I'm not pregnant this cycle my clomid will be upped to 100mg. I just hope I'm pregnant!

reflecting

I’ve pretty much gotten over the disappointment of not baby dancing this week. I still have a “good” rating on my chart. I’m feeling really excited and optimistic for this cycle. I’m starting to feel symptoms; I know they’re not in my head because some of them hurt! My nipples started getting sore yesterday and I’m still having mild cramping. I really hope it’s a good sign. I keep thinking it would be cool if they found out I was pregnant tomorrow, but with it only (possibly) being 3 DPO it’d be a miracle.

I’ve been reading on the boards at Fertility Friend and even set up my pregnancy chart just to see when I would possibly be due. I know I’m probably putting the cart in front of the horse, but I’m obsessive like that.

I did not start my novena to St. Gianna last night. I think I’m going to time it so by the time I get done with the novena it will be time to test and that will hopefully keep my mind of testing. I only have 10 HPTs and I don’t want to use them all up. It was really neat seeing a positive OPK. I like looking at 2 lines and would love to see 2 lines again in 2 weeks.

So begins the dreaded 2 week wait…..

We have some good news and some bad news.

The good news: Clomid has moved up my ovulation date. I believe I ovulated yesterday, September 11th.

The bad news: My husband and I haven’t baby-danced since Sunday so this cycle is a bust since we more than likely missed the egg.

I am incredibly frustrated right now. I know there is always a chance. I guess I will just hold on to that hope for now. Though, I am incredibly excited that I possibly ovulated on CD17. That’s the earliest I have ever ovulated! So the clomid does work.

I think this may be a good time to start a novena to St. Gianna. The last day of the novena will be the 20th, which will possibly be 9 DPO.

Novena To Obtain Graces Through Saint Gianna Beretta Molla

God, our Father, you have granted to your church the gift of Gianna Beretta Molla. In her youth she lovingly sought you and drew other young people to you, involving them, through apostolic witness and Catholic Action, in the care of the sick and aged, to help and comfort them.

We thank you for the gift of this young women, so deeply committed to you. Through her example grant us the grace to consecrate our life to your service, for the joy of our brothers and sisters.

Glory be …

Jesus, Redeemer of mankind, you called Saint Gianna to exercise the medical profession as a mission for the comfort of bodies and souls. In her suffering fellowmen and in the little ones, deprived of all support, she saw you.

We thank you for having revealed yourself to this servant as “one who serves” and who soothes the sufferings of men. Treasuring her example may we become generous Christians at the service of our brothers and sisters, especially those with whom you deign to share your Cross.

Glory be…

God, Sanctifying Spirit, who love the Church as your Bride, you poured into the heart of Saint Gianna a share of your Love so that she could radiate it in her family, and thus cooperate with you in the wonderful plan of creation, and give life to new children who could know and love you.

We thank you for this model wife and, through her encouraging witness, we beg you to grant to our families the serene and Christian presence of mothers committed to transform them into cenacles of faith and love, rich with generous activity and sanctifying service.

Glory be…

O God, Creator and lover of mankind, you were close to Saint Gianna when, affected by illness, she was in the painful dilemma of choosing between her own life and the life of the child whom she was carrying in herself, a gift long-awaited. Trusting you alone, and aware of your Commandment to respect human life, Gianna found the courage to do her duty as a mother and to say “yes” to the new life of her baby, generously sacrificing her own. Through the intercession of Mary, Mother of Jesus, and after the example of Gianna, inspire all mothers to welcome with love the sparkle of new life. Grant us the grace we are praying for …………. and the joy to find in Saint Gianna who, as a model spouse and mother, after the example of Christ, gave up her life for the life of others.

Hail Mary…

Getting back into the swing of things

This may be a repeat of what I had previously written, but I'll just recap.

I started my period on Aug 26th and I then started my first round of clomid on Aug 28 and took my last pill on Sept 1st. I am still waiting to ovulate, but my temperature took a dive today so I'm hoping I will actually ovulate today. Today is CD 14, so that would be a miracle. I've been having aches in my pelvic area for the past few days which I am hoping is ovulation pain. I have scheduled my CD 21 bloodwork to check my pergesterone levels. Unfortunately, CD 21 falls on a Saturday and the doctor's office is not open. So my appointment will be on Sept 14th at 8:30. I did a bit of research on what the levels should be post ovualation and found this website.

Follicular phase 0.2 - 1.4 ng/mL
Luteal phase 3.3 - 25.0 ng/mL
Mid-luteal phase 4.4 - 28.0 ng/mL
Postmenopausal less than 0.7 ng/mL

Pregnant
1st trimester 11.2 - 90.0 ng/mL
2nd trimester 25.6 - 89.4 ng/mL
3rd trimester 48.4 - 422.5 ng/mL

I ordered some ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) and home pregnanct tests (HPTs) on Sept 4th. I was really hoping they would be here by now. So maybe today I will get them. I am a POAS-aholic. (Pee On A Stick). This cycle seems to be taking forever. I keep staring at my chart in hopes that I will find some hidden revelation.

Awhile ago someone on one of my message boards that I frequent posted a link to the show "Life's Greatest Miracle" that aired on the Nova program on PBS. Just watching that made me just realize how much of a miracle it really is. So if you'd like to watch the show here is the link http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/miracle/program.html. It's really a great program and I recommend everyone watch it.

Lack of Posts

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I haven't been in a writing mood. I am still trying to get back to normal, or as close to normal as possible, from last week. It was really draining. I will hopefully be posting more this weekend or next week.



Until then, God Bless.

Back at it again

So I got my period on Sunday, the 26th. Today was my last clomid pill. So far no side effects. I have been taking it at night which I think helps, or so I've been told.

In other news, last week was rough. Thank you to those who expressed their sympathy, it was appreciated.

No updates for awhile

I won't be updating for a few days. I will be traveling up to Minnesota for my grandfather's funeral. My mom called this afternoon to let me know he passed. I don't know too many details at this point, but they think he passed away in his sleep. I was always hoping to have a child before he passed since he was my last living grandparent. I'm guessing there is still hope for this cycle. I messed with my chart some more and it's still showing I ovulated on the 15th. So I have stopped taking the BCPs and hope they didn't do any harm.

So have a safe weekend and don't forget to tell your friends and family you love them. You never know what the next day will hold.

Interesting

I woke up this morning and temped. I was shocked to see my temp had jumped to 98.05. I am wondering if the temp jump was caused by the BCP or I really ovulated. I was hesitant to take the BCP today. What if I did ovulate? But it’d be too late to do anything about it. My husband and I haven’t baby danced since Sunday. I’m mostly worried about what if I did ovulate and conceive and that taking these BCPs to bring on my period will abort the fetus. But I am taking the BCPs for medication to bring on AF and not to contracept. I still feel horrible. I’m hoping it was a fluke because I wasn’t feeling well yesterday with the migraine I got. I only have 4 more days of the BCPs. So the 28th will be the last day I take them and it can’t come soon enough. I hate being on them because the artificial hormones really mess with my system and I always end up feeling sick. I took BCPs several years ago before I converted and was very happy to stop taking them.

Tonight is my first night of classes and school will be a nice distraction from this trying to conceive rollercoaster.

The Appointment

I just got back from my consultation with my Dr. and I’m taking the rest of the day off. She gave me some BCPs to get my period started, but I only have to take a weeks worth. Which is fine with me.

And I also have my clomid. I’m so excited, nervous, scared. I’ll be taking 50mg on CDs 3-7 and will have blood drawn on CD 21. I really can’t wait to get this started!

When I was walking around the store waiting for my prescription to be filled I ended up walking by the baby stuff. Probably not the smartest idea.

I've always had thoughts of me getting pregnant, but I never could quite envision me being a parent. Weird, I know.

So, I'm off to start taking my pills and hope my period comes soon.

Consult tomorrow

So, tomorrow is my appointment. The consulation I had last year I had to have blood drawn. I hope this isn't the case tomorrow. If I have blood drawn tomorrow, there's no way I will be able to go back to work. See, I tend to pass out after having blood drawn. I don't know why. My dad is this way too.

After putting in my tempurature yesterday on my FF chart, my cover line was taken away. My temperature went up today, but I have not gotten my cover line again. So, it's looking like another annovulatory cycle. *sigh* But the good news is that I will probably get my clomid prescription tomorrow. I wonder if I will get a prescription of prometrium to start my period sooner so I can start clomid sooner. I have a list of questions to ask tomorrow and I have asked my husband to come up with questions too.

woohoo!!

So I put in my temperature today and my charts shows I did ovulate on the 15th!

Thank you Mary!

Infertility in Scripture, part 2

Elizabeth, barren and advanced in years, will bear a son

Luke 1: 5 In the days of Herod, King of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah of the priestly division of Abijah; his wife was from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth.

6 Both were righteous in the eyes of God, observing all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blamelessly. 7 But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren and both were advanced in years.

8 Once when he was serving as priest in his division's turn before God, 9 according to the practice of the priestly service, he was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord to burn incense. 10 Then, when the whole assembly of the people was praying outside at the hour of the incense offering, 11 the angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right of the altar of incense. 12 Zechariah was troubled by what he saw, and fear came upon him.

13 But the angel said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, because your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall name him John. 14 And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, 15 for he will be great in the sight of (the) Lord. He will drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will be filled with the holy Spirit even from his mother's womb, 16 and he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. 17 He will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah to turn the hearts of fathers toward children and the disobedient to the understanding of the righteous, to prepare a people fit for the Lord."

Infertility in scripture, part 1

I found a website that had these passages put together. Reading them gives me inspiration and hope. I hope whoever else reads these will also feel the same. I will post the rest in the following days.

Infertility in Scripture

Hannah's prayers are answered with a son whom she gives to the Lord

1 Samuel 1: 1 There was a certain man from Rama-thaim, Elkanah by name, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim. He was the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives, one named Hannah, the other Peninnah; Peninnah had children, but Hannah was childless.

3 This man regularly went on pilgrimage from his city to worship the LORD of hosts and to sacrifice to him at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were ministering as priests of the LORD. 4 When the day came for Elkanah to offer sacrifice, he used to give a portion each to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters, 5 but a double portion to Hannah because he loved her, though the LORD had made her barren.

6 Her rival, to upset her, turned it into a constant reproach to her that the LORD had left her barren. 7 This went on year after year; each time they made their pilgrimage to the sanctuary of the LORD, Peninnah would approach her, and Hannah would weep and refuse to eat. 8 Her husband Elkanah used to ask her: "Hannah, why do you weep, and why do you refuse to eat? Why do you grieve? Am I not more to you than ten sons?" 9 Hannah rose after one such meal at Shiloh, and presented herself before the LORD; at the time, Eli the priest was sitting on a chair near the doorpost of the LORD'S temple.

10 In her bitterness she prayed to the LORD, weeping copiously, 11 and she made a vow, promising: "O LORD of hosts, if you look with pity on the misery of your handmaid, if you remember me and do not forget me, if you give your handmaid a male child, I will give him to the LORD for as long as he lives; neither wine nor liquor shall he drink, and no razor shall ever touch his head."

12 As she remained long at prayer before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth, 13 for Hannah was praying silently; though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard. Eli, thinking her drunk, 14 said to her, "How long will you make a drunken show of yourself? Sober up from your wine!" 15 "It isn't that, my lord," Hannah answered. "I am an unhappy woman. I have had neither wine nor liquor; I was only pouring out my troubles to the LORD. 16 Do not think your handmaid a ne'er-do-well; my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorrow and misery." 17 Eli said, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." 18 She replied, "Think kindly of your maidservant," and left. She went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and no longer appeared downcast.

19 Early the next morning they worshiped before the LORD, and then returned to their home in Ramah. When Elkanah had relations with his wife Hannah, the LORD remembered her. 20 She conceived, and at the end of her term bore a son whom she called Samuel, since she had asked the LORD for him.

21 The next time her husband Elkanah was going up with the rest of his household to offer the customary sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vows, 22 Hannah did not go, explaining to her husband, "Once the child is weaned, I will take him to appear before the LORD and to remain there forever; I will offer him as a perpetual nazirite." 23 Her husband Elkanah answered her: "Do what you think best; wait until you have weaned him. Only, may the LORD bring your resolve to fulfillment!" And so she remained at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him.

24 Once he was weaned, she brought him up with her, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and presented him at the temple of the LORD in Shiloh. 25 After the boy's father had sacrificed the young bull, Hannah, his mother, approached Eli 26 and said: "Pardon, my lord! As you live my lord, I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request. 28 Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD; as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD." She left him there;

Assumption

So today is the Assumption and I have finished my novena. I hope Blessed Mary and Jesus will grant me my request. I want children so badly!

I still haven't ovulated yet and I'm on cycle day 27. I really hope I ovulate today and end up pregnant. That would be the greatest gift.

Obsessive

I've noticed that when I start a new cycle I get very obsessive about my temperatures and every little thing that I think could be a symptom of ovulating.

For instance, today I've been nauseous most of the day and have had mild cramping sensations all leading me to believe that I'm ovulating today. I did check and nausea can be a sign of ovulation.

I've been spending most of my waking hours pouring over posts at Fertility Friend and staring at my chart hoping to gain some insight that really isn't there.

Hopefully I don't drive myself crazy before my consultation on the 22nd.

Did I or Didn't I?

It's getting to the point in my cycle when I start thinking I might have ovulated. Yesterday my temps shot up so I may have ovulated 2 days ago. I won't know for sure until I have a few more temperatures entered into my chart. I really hope I did. We timed it pretty well. I'm just hoping against hope that I'm pregnant and I won't have to take any medication.

Only time will tell.

Blessed Mary, please pray for my husband and I to conceive a child without the use of medication. May His name be praised.

Same old, same old

Things have been uneventful. I'm thinking I might have ovulated yesterday, but my temperature this morning is a bit unreliable since I woke up at 4:35am and I normally take my temperature at 5:10am.

August 15th is the Assumption of our Blessed Virgin Mary.

from Wikipedia

According to Roman Catholic doctrine and the traditions of the Catholic Church, the Blessed Virgin Mary (Mary, the mother of Jesus) "having completed the course of her earthly life, was assumed body and soul into heavenly glory."[1] This means that Mary was transported into Heaven with her body and soul united. The feast day recognizing Mary's passage into Heaven is celebrated as The Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary by Roman Catholics. This doctrine was dogmatically and infallibly defined by Pope Pius XII on 1 November 1950 in his Apostolic Constitution Munificentissimus Deus.

The Assumption is important to many Catholics as the Virgin Mary's heavenly birthday (the day that Mary was received into Heaven). Her acceptance into the glory of Heaven is seen by them as the symbol of the promise made by Jesus to all enduring Christians that they too will be received into paradise. The Assumption of Mary is symbolised in the Fleur-de-lys Madonna.

In honor of our Blessed Virgin Mary, I will be starting a novena to her. I will be saying the Novena to the Assumption of the Virgin Mary. I will be ending the novena on August 15th.

Mary, Queen Assumed into Heaven, I rejoice that after years of heroic martyrdom on earth, you have at last been taken to the throne prepared for you in heaven by the Holy Trinity.

Lift my heart with you in the glory of your Assumption above the dreadful touch of sin and impurity. Teach me how small earth becomes when viewed from heaven. Make me realize that death is the triumphant gate through which I shall pass to your Son, and that someday my body shall rejoin my soul in the unending bliss of heaven.

From this earth, over which I tread as a pilgrim, I look to you for help. I ask for this favor: (Mention your request).

When my hour of death has come, lead me safely to the presence of Jesus to enjoy the vision of my God for all eternity together with you.

God Bless.

Appointment Update

So, my appointment for my annual exam was yesterday. I met with my nurse practitioner. She was very concerned regarding my very irregular cycles. I looked through my last year’s worth of charts and it shows I only ovulated 3-4 times. I think my average cycle length was in the 50 day range. I honestly think that we won’t get pregnant without any medical intervention. My blood pressure was 100/60. My BMI (Body Mass Index) was 19 though. She said she’d like to see me gain at least 5 pounds, maybe up to 10. I’m at a loss on what I need to do. I don’t have that big of an appetite. I know I will have to start exercising more and gain more muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat.

I told my husband about the appointment and how it went. I basically told him that if we want to get pregnant, it probably won’t be naturally. He seemed okay this time to me taking medication. I’m pretty sure the doctor is going to put me on clomid. So I’ll be thoroughly researching it.

I also think that I might have PCOS. But I’ll have to ask my gynecologist when I go back on Aug. 22. I will also have to remind her of the fact that I am Catholic and so is my husband. I am printing off that article on what is acceptable for infertility treatment and give her to put in my file. I also gave my nurse practitioner all my charts from the last year for my gynecologist to go over before my visit. I gave my gynecologist all my charts that I had last year as well. I really hope she actually is looking at them and is using them. I’ve heard stories of gynecologists totally blowing off any charting their patients have brought in.

I guess deep down I’m scared that I may never give my husband any children.

Novena Completed

I finished my novena to St Anne and St Joachim tonight. Hopefully they have heard my prayers and have prayed to God for me as well.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

Today's Old Testament reading was Exodus 32:15-24, 30-34.

Moses turned and came down the mountain
with the two tablets of the commandments in his hands,
tablets that were written on both sides, front and back;
tablets that were made by God,
having inscriptions on them that were engraved by God himself.
Now, when Joshua heard the noise of the people shouting,
he said to Moses, “That sounds like a battle in the camp.”
But Moses answered, “It does not sound like cries of victory,
nor does it sound like cries of defeat;
the sounds that I hear are cries of revelry.”
As he drew near the camp, he saw the calf and the dancing.
With that, Moses’ wrath flared up, so that he threw the tablets down
and broke them on the base of the mountain.
Taking the calf they had made, he fused it in the fire
and then ground it down to powder,
which he scattered on the water and made the children of Israel drink.

Moses asked Aaron, “What did this people ever do to you
that you should lead them into so grave a sin?”
Aaron replied, “Let not my lord be angry.
You know well enough how prone the people are to evil.
They said to me, ‘Make us a god to be our leader;
as for the man Moses who brought us out of the land of Egypt,
we do not know what has happened to him.’
So I told them, ‘Let anyone who has gold jewelry take it off.’
They gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and this calf came out.”

On the next day Moses said to the people,
“You have committed a grave sin.I will go up to the LORD, then;
perhaps I may be able to make atonement for your sin.”
So Moses went back to the LORD and said,
“Ah, this people has indeed committed a grave sin
in making a god of gold for themselves!
If you would only forgive their sin!
If you will not, then strike me out of the book that you have written.”
The LORD answered, “Him only who has sinned against me
will I strike out of my book.
Now, go and lead the people to the place I have told you.
My angel will go before you.
When it is time for me to punish, I will punish them for their sin.”

And on Catholic Connection today, Teresa Tomeo tied in Sara Groves song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" with today's reading. Which is about longing for what we once had and what we were comfortable with. I thought it was interesting and wanted to share it.

Listen here for the discussion, she tells it better than I could relay it. The link is for the first hour and I believe that is where they discussed it.

In other news, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for my annual exam and I will ask to speak with my doctor. (I have my appointment with my nurse practioner) I'm excited to get the ball really rolling.

Novena

Each year the Church venerates the memory of Saints Anne & Joachim on July 26th. An ancient story dating to the first centuries of the Church's life recalls how Saints Anne & Joachim, like Abraham and Sarah, were scorned by their neighbors because they had no children.

Years of longing did not weaken their trust in God, but grief eventually drove Saint Joachim into the wilderness to fast and pray. Saint Anne, remaining at home, dressed in mourning clothes and wept because she had no child of her own. Seeing her mistress distressed, a servant girl reminded Anne to put her trust in God. Saint Anne washed her face, put on her bridal clothes and went to a garden to plead with God for a child.

Angels appeared to Saint Anne in her garden and Saint Joachim in the desert, promising that, despite their old age, they would give birth to a child who would be known throughout the world. The new parents ran to meet one another at Jerusalem's Golden Gate, and with a kiss rejoiced in the new life which God had promised would be theirs.

Saints Anne and Joachim are powerful intercessors for all married couples, expectant mothers and married couples who are having difficulty conceiving, as well as all who have grown old.

The Novena:

The Novena Prayer:
Good parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary, grandparents of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
When life seems barren, help us to trust in God's mercy.
When we are confused, help us to find the way to God.
When we are lost in the desert, lead us to those whom God has called us to love.
When our marriage seems lifeless, show us the eternal youth of the Lord.
When we are selfish, teach us to cling only to that which lasts.
When we are afraid, help us to trust in God.
When we are ashamed, remind us that we are God's children.
When we sin, lead us to do God's will.
You who know God's will for husband and wife, help us to live chastely.
You who know God's will for the family, keep all families close to you.
You who suffered without children, intercede for all infertile couples.
You who trusted in God's will, help us to respect God's gift of fertility.
You who gave birth to the Blessed Mother, inspire couples to be co-creators with God.
You who taught the Mother of God, teach us to nurture children in holy instruction.
You whose hearts trusted in God, hear our prayers for ... (mention your requests here).
Pray with us for the ministry of Catholic family life.
Pray with us for the ministry of Natural Family Planning.
Pray with us for all who give their time, talent and treasure to this good work.

Hail Mary... Our Father... Glory be...

God of our fathers, you gave Saints Anne and Joachim the privilege of being the parents of Mary, the mother of your incarnate Son. May their prayers help us to attain the salvation you have promised to your people.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
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I know it's a little late to start this novena, but I will be starting it today.

There are several other novenas that I want to do as well. Please join me in the above novena if you so choose. More prayer definately won't hurt!

God Bless.

Depressed, Party of 1

My husband called our friend who is expecting tonight. They had a good conversation and I got to talk to him and his wife as well. It took a lot for me not to break down and cry in the course of our conversation. I'm overjoyed for them but I can't get past how crappy I feel. I just want to curl up in bed for a few days and bawl my eyes out. My husband is noticing how depressed I'm becoming. Well, I should hope he would. I thought going out for a bit tonight would take my mind off of it, but that did little to help.

So off to bed I go. God Bless.

Being Catholic and dealing with infertility

Guidelines for Catholics on the Evaluation and Treatment of Infertility

"On the part of the spouses, the desire for a child is natural: it expresses the vocation to fatherhood and motherhood inscribed in conjugal love. This desire can be even stronger if the couple is affected by sterility which appears incurable. Nevertheless, marriage does not confer upon the spouses the right to have a child, but only the right to perform those natural acts which are per se ordered to procreation. A true and proper right to a child would be contrary to the child's dignity and nature. The child is not an object to which one has a right, nor can he be considered as an object of ownership: rather, a child is a gift, "the supreme gift" and the most gratuitous gift of marriage, and is a living testimony of the mutual giving of his parents. For this reason, the child has the right, as already mentioned, to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents; and he also has the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception." - Donum Vitae


"How do I know when a reproductive technology is morally right?"

• Any procedure which assists marital intercourse in reaching its procreative potential is moral.
• Any procedure which substitutes or suppresses a need for marital intercourse is immoral.

Reproductive Technologies in Disagreement with Catholic Teachings:

1. Obtaining a semen sample by means of masturbation
2. Artificial insemination using sperm from a donor (AID) or even the husband (AIH) if obtained by masturbation
3. In-vitro fertilization (IVF), zygote intra-fallopian transfer (ZIFT), and intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), ovum donation, "surrogate" uterus

* excerpts from the Catechism of the Catholic Church explaining why these are immoral** Articles further explaining the problems with in vitro fertilization and artificial fertilization

Reproductive Technologies in Agreement with Catholic Teachings:

Observation of the naturally occuring sign(s) of fertility (Natural Family Planning). Time intercourse on the days of presumed (potential) fertility for at least six months before proceeding to medical interventions.

General medical evaluation of both spouses for infertility.

Post-coital test to assess sperm count and viability. These tests are undertaken after normal intercourse.

Appropriate evaluation and treatment of male factor deficiency. Seminal fluid samples can be obtained from a non-lubricated, perforated condom after normal intercourse.

Assessment of uterine and tubal structural competence by imaging techniques (e.g., ultrasound, hysterosalpingogram, etc.).

Appropriate medical treatment of ovulatory and hormonal dysfunction.

Appropriate (usually surgical) correction of organic problems underlying male or female infertility.

Resources:

• Donum Vitae (The Gift of Life), Instruction on Respect for Human Life in its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation: Replies to Certain Questions of the Day, Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger as Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith
• Reproductive Technology (Evaluation & Treatment of Infertility) Guidelines for Catholic Couples , USCCB
• Catechism of the Catholic Church
  

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So, with my husband and me being Catholic we are limited in what technological advances in the reproductive field that we can use. My husband cannot get a sperm analysis because of the teachings of the Catholic Church. Yes, it does bother me sometimes, but I am totally in line with the Catholic Church’s teaching.

I haven’t always wanted children. With my first serious boyfriend I didn’t want kids. But as soon as I met my husband that changed. I want a large Catholic family!!

The Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha would be the best place for my husband and I to get treatment. There they will actually find the cause of infertility instead of masking over everything. That is what my gynecologist wanted to do. She wanted to get my cycles regular by using birth control pills. Yes, I know I can use them if it is for medicinal purposes and not for contraception. But I still felt it was wrong. Plus, I hated being on the Pill. I was on the Pill for a few years before I was Catholic. Synthetic hormones just don’t seem right. Unfortunately, my insurance at work doesn’t cover the Pope Paul VI Institute. So I will have to make do with my gynecologist.

Borrowed from http://www.catholicinfertility.org/guidelines.html

First Post

It's true, infertility does hurt. I start this blog on the day I found out my friend and his wife are expecting. They got married at the end of June. I am extremely happy for them because they both are wanting to start a family right away.

Finding out this news has gotten me feeling very depressed. My husband and I have been married since October 2005. We haven't been trying, but we haven't been preventing. One would think we would have gotten pregnant by now.

I spoke with my gynocologist in May 2006. She did some preliminary blood tests and things came back perfect.

I don't know what all I can do. I just started my period after not having one since the beginning of March. I have crazy, irregular cycles. I have an appointment for my annual exam on the 31st. I really would like to get pregnant within the next year. We'll see what my husband says about that. We've been wanting to wait, but with my irregular cycles and not having gotten pregant in almost 2 years, my opinion is we better start actually trying now. I've always wanted to have a few kids before I turn 30, that's less than 5 years away.